Fear is a feeling
I’ve never been good at taking portraits, except annoyingly those of myself. But taking self-portraits allows you to edit and mold yourself into exactly how you want to be perceived or at least close to it. Also, at least in my opinion, you need to have a certain level of self-criticism in you. To know exactly when your shoulder is in the right spot or your chin at the best angle. To be able to tell yourself that the look isn’t quite right is one thing, but to accept how someone else looks or better yet knowing exactly the moment to shoot isn’t a feeling that I’ve ever comfortably done.
I recently saw a video of Garry Winogrand in the process of photographing people on the street. It was incredibly awkward. He twitched anxiously as he wound the film and seemed to repeatedly second guess himself. He would go into shoot and then quickly change his mind. This man is arguably one of the best street photographers in modern times, but you probably wouldn’t know it by how uncertain he comes across in his process. I suppose then it’s not just the willingness to be uncomfortable and awkward, but making those qualities a part of your nature that helps to find the magic in street photography or portraiture. Maybe in some ways, it’s the opposite of self-portraiture in that you have to entirely remove yourself from the equation.
Jill Freedman said there’s no such thing as a lucky photo, but I think the mini selection below were at least a little lucky. Central Camera lost a few rolls for about six months, one of which contained some pictures from the fall of 2020. They have some light leaks and chemical lines which I decided to keep in, adding maybe a little more to their mystery. Two of these are shown in the selection below. Maybe someday I’ll free my mind and find my portraiture powers, but until then, these will have to do.
